To maid or not to maid, that is the question.

I’m sure there are many different aspects of wedding planning that every single bride may prioritize differently. Whether you are having a hard time choosing the right dress, the right photographer; the right venue or the right color scheme, I for one am having a hard time choosing the wedding party.

I’ll admit it, I was one of those girls who had their bridesmaids picked out before I was even engaged. Well, that is if you count the M.A.S.H. game we played ump-teen times as a pre-teen and teen. And as my friends began getting married, there were thoughts around the idea of who I would choose.

However, now that I am living reality it seems as though my decision is… well nonexistent. My fiancé has placed the number of people in my hands. Family and friends have suggested their choices – quite loudly at times – and I’ve thought about it day in and day out. I’ve even tried the oh-shit test. Still, no (set) decision.

So then, why do I not feel confident in my choice? Why do I feel as though I should wait it out longer; maybe if I wait until the perfect time, it will be placed before me. Um, no. This isn’t OK. And what is even more not OK is hearing the growing opinions on who should be involved and specifically doing what in your wedding. Or, learning of who would be disappointed if they weren’t in your party. Seriously, folks? No. Not ok. I’ve been a completely normal bride and definitely plan on continuing to doing so. Please do not make me pull the “bride” card out and stick it up my ass.

The truth of the matter is, I don’t know who I am going to have in my party. I think I know, but I do not feel certain in my choice. And let’s face it, I’m not traditional. I’m not an extremist; however, I’m not the clean-cut do it because it’s how it should be done. For those you have, great it’s what you wanted and it turned out beautifully. It’s just not my style and I am 100% a-okay with that. I’ve seen the look of disapproval on an elder relative’s face; I’ve lived with my fiancé far before we were engaged or even married; and, I’m hell bent on not doing what friends have already done. Not that anything was wrong with the way others have done their day, this is mine and it will be different. I am me. I will be original because a) it’s a life motto and b) I’m gifted enough to create original unlike pieces, settings and events.

This is not your wedding. I do not have to do  a  n  y  t  h  i  n  g.  Let me make my decisions and if I regret it later, so be it.

Uh oh, if I didn’t know better, I’d say this may be the beginning of the bride card being played… nipping this one in the butt. Right now. My friends are my friends for a reason. They know me, they understand me. So let me be me. Let me choose who I want to choose. Yes, you have an opinion, but voice it softly and once. I appreciate your care and help; however, let me be me – the bride I’ve been waiting to be.

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