Expectations rocked

2012, you never cease to amaze me. From day one, to today, and   I’m sure until December 31st… my expectations will be rocked.

I’ve always thought I’ve handled death fairly well. I’ve stayed strong, expressed tears, fears and shared in grief. But it’s always when you least expect it, something comes and knocks you off your feet.

Maybe it’s a little too close for comfort, this time. Or, the fact that its someone else dealing with the loss of a love one. The fact that it was so sudden and completely out of left field. I’m left spooked and heart broken.

I’m spooked at the reality of losing a best friend. Sure, I’ve lost my fair share of bffs throughout life – but they are still living. The thought of their lives being taken throws me into a bit of anxiety and heartache. My heart aches for others. While I may not have known him very well, my brothers in my life did. And being an older, caring sister, how do you begin to comfort these 24 year old men left shocked, saddened and heartbroke?

These men that from the looks of their 6 foot frame, stature and strength, you would never guess would crumble in your arms in fits of emotion. I have to stop there before my eyes runeth over.

My heart goes out to my brothers who lost a brother of their own. I’m faced with a brutal truth that life is so much more than mine. That my life is even more than my own. When others hurt, I hurt. When friends are in mourning, I’m mourning for them.

At times it’s hard to think of the future. It’s not fair to ask “what next?” and a challenge to have faith in the days ahead. But, here I stand, thankful for those I love still sharing this life with me. Reaching out to my brothers in need and praying for tomorrow to be a blessing. This wedding is happening and is so much more than a simple wedding; a celebration, an inspiration, motivator and bright future.

2012: 3; Ash: 0. Carry on…

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